Dead Language? I think not. My Letter to EVGA.

DIES LUNÆ A.D. VIII KAL. DEC. MMDCCLXII A.U.C. (December 7, 2009)
Joe Darwin, EVGA Head Of Marketing
3230 East Imperial Highway Suite 116
Brea, CA 92821

Salve! M.Joeus Darwinus,
I am writing this letter to inform you of a unique opportunity that I believe can be extremely beneficial to your company. I have purchased many EVGA cards in the past and have been very pleased by the quality and service I have received. There is no other company I would choose for my video graphic acceleration needs. However, I have noticed a rather disturbing fact about your company that I wish to rectify.
Despite having Polish, German, Dutch, French and Russian representatives, I was dismayed to find that you lack a representative in the Latin language!
While you may look at the statistics and find that it may not be financially effective to have a representative in the Latin Language, I urge you to read on and discover how useful such a position would be.
First of all, as you very well may know, the Vatican City currently employs Latin as its official state language. With the rise of abortion, outer space exploration, genetic engineering and other pressing theological issues to deal with, this small country, along with the Catholic Holy Elite, is sure to be one of the most stressed out states in the world.
I often use your video cards for enjoyment and stress relief. I am sure that popes, cardinals, and flying nuns would feel the same way. Imagine the untapped market available by reaching out to the international Catholic seminary!
However, I understand that catholic priests are a shrinking lot, and that much of their possible computer playing time is taken up by playing with much more exciting little boys, so this may not be the best strategy to increase current sales at this time.
So, I advise you, look to the future by remembering the past!
I need not remind you that for centuries the Roman Empire was at the pinnacle of technological advancements and cultural progressiveness. Latin was spoken throughout most of the known world, and for more than a thousand years later, any speech or documentation was spoken or written in none other language than Latin.
Now, considering Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity and the theorem regarding the speed of light and the possible speed of interstellar travel, it would make most sense that any extraterrestrial would have had its first exposure to human behavior and civilization in the Language of Latin, whether it be the peak of Roman society, the Byzantine era, the dark ages, or the medieval period.
Imagine the possibilities. An Alien race with the technology to reach our planet from light-years away comes to Earth, and EVGA, with its Latin Language Consultant already established, is instantly able to share and learn from the new visitors, with no communication issues at all. You would have the complete upper hand on any competitor trying to capitalize on this Close Encounter of the Fifth Kind. The potential is literally out of this world!
I have several years in classroom Latin learning, and would be perfect to serve as EVGA’s personal Latin Language consultant. It would not be necessary to keep me on payroll or recognize me as an employee or outside consultant. I would not need any special recognition or any official documentation with your company. Just know that, when the time comes, I will be ready to serve. At that time I will expect payment for services rendered.
I hope this letter has enlightened you, and it was as much for you pleasure to read as it was for me to write.
For a Latin translation of this letter please email: amanthewinner@gmail.com

Vale,

Aman Birk

P.S. I have been attempting to purchase two EVGA Nvidia GTX 275’s for quite along time now. I wish to use them in SLI for a new computer build. The problem is, my currency is being rejected from all resellers of your material. I hope that you see to fix this problem of the impudence and ungratefulness of the retailers for your goods. According to Emperor Diocletan’s “Edict of Prices” issued in 301 AD my salt is worth 100 denarii’s per liter as official currency. The generally accepted exchange rate to US dollars is about 26 dollars to the denarii. I have included ¼ of a liter of salt, to an amount equivalent to USD 560 dollars. I hope this covers the amount as well as shipping. Thank you for assisting me in this matter. The salt is iodized, if that is to any use.

[I have yet to receive a response or compensation for my salt. My substanstial private investment in a backyard salt mine has been rendered useless upon stumbling upon Sodium Chloride in my local market, for a much lower value than I had been informed. Donations to help recoup these losses would be greatly appreciated! ]

Views on Free Markets

In times of great productivity and success, many people speak out and call for a free market. That is, a market that has no interference from the government. The population sees cash flowing in, but then the government is taking a slice they don't deserve. However, then the going gets rough, or even, heaven forbid, really rough, and the same populace screams "Help, Help! Save me!" Make your mind up! Everyone wants what is the best for them at the time. No one thinks of the future! Even when times are bad, though, I think, the free market is the way to go, despite how much someone may lose, because if the free market remains free, then it will not die, and it will pick it self up. However, with regulation at both best and worst times, inevitably a point will be reached where that government force inadvertently causes an irrevocable failure.

There are several reasons for this. The first is bureaucracy. Although the least of the several reasons, it makes the most immediate sense. I mean, take our congress, for example. Can you imagine them running a business? Putting everything to a vote? Splitting every decision 50-50? Debating on every little thing? I can imagine it now.

"I say we put the tampon advertisements on a billboard on the highway to no where. That way it has a purpose."

"No, that's absolutely ridiculous! Do you not care about black people? These need to go on port-a-potty's on skid row. Apparently there's been a slump in sales. We can get them cheap spots."

See what I mean? This is exactly the pathetic way that congress argues. What business in their right mind commissions a highway to no where merely for the sake of it? And pork-belly spending? That method of liberal money throwing wouldn't even be tolerated at Enron! And to top it off, look at how they run their own business! Trillions of dollars of debt? Budget deficits? It's a wonder the white house hasn't been given a foreclosure notice. I can see it now.

"We're here to evict an umm.... Mr. George W. Bush? No, no, I don't care that you're giving a foreign leader a massage. I need you to leave. What? You're gonna tell Dick on me? Tell that to the bank."

Plus, the corruption and scandalous behavior that is done by our wonderful representatives on capital hill would rip a company to shreds! At least in the office it's only bosses doing their secretaries, not 65 year old men soliciting gay sex from an undercover police officer in an airport bathroom! And Elliot Spitz! He paid 85 dollars an hour to that chick? Where's the fiscal sense in that?

The second, more serious reason, is the statistical data on the track record of past governments, as well as simple economic common sense. Destruction of the free market delivers inferior products, and a lot of that is what hurts us. Our inferior products cannot compete with European and Japanese goods, seriously damaging our economy and overall GDP. The lower quality goods started with cars, and electronics, and has now spread to crappy mortgages, in a strange, twisted way. Penalties, mandates, and extra taxes force companies to take shortcuts and end up delivering those lower quality items. Germany and Japan, some of the strongest economies int he world, have governments that strictly protect the free market from interference, and their nations have profited greatly for it.

Finally, mandating and regulating the sale of certain items and business practices leave us no room for error. Free markets fall and heal; with this bailout, we won't get a second chance. Backing the wrong technologies or policies, may leave us with banks shutting down faster than we can handle, a bankrupt government. None of the security and illusions we had will be there anymore. And this time, there won't be a drop of oil left to give us a second chance.

Electoral College Analysis, September 20

The key states in the election are:

• Pennsylvania - Obama will have a tough time winning without PA. If PA goes McCain, I'd say there would be an 85% chance of a McCain victory.
• Florida - the reverse applies here. If FL goes Obama, he'll have about an 85% chance of victory
• New Mexico - the key to winning the 2008 election will most likely be in the west. In NM, Obama and McCain need to compete for the Hispanic vote.
• Colorado & Nevada - Here, it's the libertarian vote that counts. Colorado is a bit harder for McCain, Nevada is a bit harder for Obama. It will depend how many "Ron Paul Republicans" vote for Obama or Barr, and not McCain
• Virginia - Another important state more for Obama, if he gets it, he can afford to lose a bit in the west.
  

Max's Electoral College Predictions, Monday, September 15, 2008

Both the conventions are over, and Sarah Palin has been picked as VP for McCain, so I've made some changes. First of all, Montana changes from "Obama-Leaning" to "Strong McCain," and Alaska, the Dakotas, and Georgia changed from "McCain-Leaning" to "Strong McCain." Palin has excited the conservative base so much that it is unlikely for Obama to have a chance at winning Georgia, and her status as an "outsider" to national politics will help McCain get more turnout, and take back some Ron Paul supporters in Montana, Alaska, and the Dakotas. However, I still consider the Ron Paul factor to be important in Nevada, because of the problems with the state Republican convention. West Virginia is still a factor in the race, I wouldn't be surprised if Obama pulls an upset there because of Biden. Although polls showed Virginia leaning more toward McCain after the convention (also because of Palin), and I was going to move it to "McCain-Leaning" a SurveyUSA poll released today shows Obama up by 4% (with a 3.7% margin of error), so for now, I'll keep it in "Obama-Leaning." The EC totals are:

Strong Obama: 197
Obama-Leaning: 95
Total Obama:292

Strong McCain: 157
McCain-Leaning: 89
Total McCain: 246

Max's Electoral College Predictions, August 23, 2008

Well, Obama just picked Biden as his VP; before, I was going to put West Virginia into the "Strong McCain" category, but this should make WV a McCain-leaning swing state. I'm also tempted to move Pennsylvania into "Strong Obama," but I'm going to wait for some more polls to come out first. Here's the totals.

Strong Obama: 196
Obama-Leaning: 99
Total Obama: 295

Strong McCain: 129
McCain-Leaning: 114
Total McCain: 243

So, Russia is invading Georgia, while the rest of the world just sits still. It's sad. Let's take a look at the hypocrisy that's going around in the United States and the world right now. First of all, right now, the United States refuses to trade with Cuba, because of the communist government, but we have no sanctions directed at Russia, even though their invading a sovereign nation. Secondly, the media is spending more time covering the John Edwards' affair which took place TWO YEARS AGO, instead of covering hard, serious news that will have a huge effect on the world. If Russia is allowed to proceed unchecked, they'll see no reason why they shouldn't just go invade the Belarus, Azerbaijan, the Ukraine, or any one of the central Asian countries. I don't think military action is necessary yet, but an invasion, even at this point, would not be like the second Iraq or the Vietnam war, it would be comparable to the war in Afghanistan or the first Gulf War. Right now, though, we need to go for harsh economic sanctions, and only consider a military operation if that doesn't work.

Congress Apologizes for Slavery

So, on July 29, Congress issued a statement apologizing for slavery and Jim Crow laws that the nation had previously used. Slavery, and Jim Crow laws were horrible things that our nation did in the past. However,

Is this really what congress needs to be doing now? Look at the state that our nation is in. We're in the worst recession our nation has ever had since the Great Depression in 1929. Sure, slavery was horrible, but we need to be fixing our current problems first. It's no wonder that Congress has such low approval ratings. It's because they aren't doing anything useful.